I walked into the hall and sat down at a table. It was the wedding reception of a friend of mine. I looked at the items on my table.
The only items on the table were 5 bottles of Eva bottled water.
I looked at the other tables and saw all kinds of assorted drinks on the tables.
I was disappointed.
I was the sole occupant of the table. Other guests had noticed the 'watery' nature of the table and had carefully avoided the table.
I was the fall guy.
I contemplated leaving the table but I noticed that some of the guests were smiling and looking at me to see what I would do.
I sighed. I adopted a gentlemanly posture and resigned to fate.
A young man walked up to the table and pulled a seat.
He greeted me and I responded.
He studied the items on the table and turned to me, "Why is it just water on this table? Why is there no wine or soft drink here?"
"My brother na so I see am o! Can you imagine? Just water!" I replied in righteous indignation.
The man shook his head. He took up the bottles and began shaking them.
I watched him closely.
He shook the five bottles vigorously and handed one to me, "Hey, open and drink"
I giggled, "I don't want to drink water"
"Just drink" He said.
I opened the bottle and drank.
I was stunned!
The best wine I have ever tasted in my life was in the bottle. It was very tasty. I gulped down the wine.
I turned to him in amazement, "What did you do? Who are you?" I asked in awe.
"I am Jesus Christ, I turned the water into wine, just like I did in the wedding in Cana, some 2000 years ago...you know I love weddings"
My eyes almost popped out of their sockets.
"Are you Jesus Christ?" I asked.
"Yes I am but don't shout, you don't want to disrupt the wedding, do you?" He asked with a smile and continued, "What do you want me to do for you? Just tell me one wish and I will do it"
I was speechless. Here was I sitting with Jesus on the same table at a wedding with an open cheque! Should I ask him to make me a billionaire? Should I ask him to kill all my enemies? Should I ask him to make me president of the world?", The thoughts ran through my mind.
I heard myself say, "Jesus, I have a tank full of water at home. Can you please come and turn it into wine for me?"
"Why not? Anything for you pal" He replied.
"Please wait here for me! Let me go and get a car" I said.
I searched for my friend that I came with to drive Jesus to my house with his car but he was not in the hall.
I ran outside to charter a keke.
In my haste to flag down a keke, I bumped into a hefty and muscular thug.
He gave me a big punch on the face.
I woke up on my bed.
It was all a dream.
I stood up and walked to my calendar.
I saw a date circled in blue ink.
It is a Saturday with the hashtag #Kimani2018
I don't want to miss this wedding reception.
I'll be sitting at a table with 10 bottles of Eva water and would be waiting for Jesus to come and turn them into vintage wine for me.
See you there.
Story written by Iniobong Leroi Umoh